It was inevitable, and even the manner in which it transpired was predictable. I was lugging around these massive fucking ladders (I mean, thanks Sam for letting me borrow them x) and they are quite cumbersome and the stairwell is an awkward space and the release clips to adjust the angles and shape of the ladder wouldn’t release and it was hurting my fingers then I slipped and whacked my shin against the stabilising bar at the bottom and because I was already angry and being dramatic I threw my head back in distress and lost my grip and they fell on me.
For context, I was on the wallpaper removal home stretch. I’d severely underestimated how much I had left to do and though many, many times I considered giving up, I persevered. I was tired and annoyed, Genie had just spent 10 minutes screaming at the aforementioned ladders – a true, high pitched, worried bark – which had made its way through my brain and now resided under my skin. I was Oliver Hardy levels of aggy. No one ever wants to be Ollie in real life. You wanna be Stan. Stan has hilarious near misses, Ollie twats his shin off a ladder and falls down the stairs.
But look, none of this matters. Because guess fucking what? I’ve finished removing the wallpaper. I’ve fucking finished. Onto the next stage.
The next stage
Remember lovely, reliable, punctual, helpful Derek? Well Derek recommended a plasterer. Lovely, reliable, punctual, helpful Guy. Shall I compare thee to [every other frigger who has strolled into my house and provided nothing of value]? Thou art more [available] and [cheap].
Before even stepping foot onto my pile of rubble, I asked Guy if he was okay with dogs (as mine was squeaking and circling), at which point he advised he had a few himself; three spaniels, a Labrador, and a poodle. Kismet. Guy stayed a while. We talked about vintage hifis. He showed me pictures of his dogs, he took actual measurements, and sent me a quote the next afternoon. Cheapest by far, I actually like him, he actually turned up, and he comes with Derek’s recommendation, and Derek is “all about the aesthetics” which is why he walked around my place retching.
Now I just have to hope everyone turns up when they say they’re going to turn up; but why wouldn’t they?
Right?
Right, guys?
diythefck 